toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
