It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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