I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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