Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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