Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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