U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need water and some morals
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
