I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
smell my finger.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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