well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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