someone get that fucking seahorse.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
