Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
