I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
