This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
