"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
