I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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