Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
