yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
