The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
