They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize