also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
