I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
