The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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