I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
