Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
