shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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