Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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