My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
