dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
