Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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