So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
