When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
