the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize