I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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