No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i love accidental penises.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
