Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
