I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
