I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
