i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
