I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I deserve this hangover.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
