i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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