No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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