This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
