Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
