By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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