I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
