who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
