I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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