I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
