going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Two words: nipple clamps
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