ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
