I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
