i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
