in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
