I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
