All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
