I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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