How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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