He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
