the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
