I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
