Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
