i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
