You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
