My pussy is not your playground.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love you.
Bad choice
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
