i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
