I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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