If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
