my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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