do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
