It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
